Famous Mash Quotes

Quotable Quotes

“What happens in the event that figure ‘A’ is attracted to figure ‘B’ and wants to get married. But figure ‘A’ is already married to figure ‘C’ and figure ‘B’ is engaged to figure ‘D’ but figure ‘A’ can’t keep his hands of figure ‘B’ because she’s got such a great figure.”

“Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war and rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can’t change rule number one.”
Henry Blake


“Hey Sherm, you know were a guy can get a drink around here?”

“Frank, it’s after six, you can stop being snotty!”
Henry Blake

“We all know it’s brutal up there at the front, especially those of us at the rear”
Frank Burns

“You’ve gotta understand I’m not working on sick people here. I’m working on hurt young people, with essentially healthy bodies that have been insulted by ammunition.”

“I’m a life long Anglophile. England is still the only place I know where any young man can grow up to be the Queen.”

“I’ve got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son, and he dresses a lot like my wife.”
Col. Potter

“I’ve eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I’ve eaten so much fish, I’m ready to grow gills! I’ve eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I’m smothered in bacon and onions”

“Here’s a mover and a groover and it ain’t by Herbert Hoover. It’s for all you animals and music lovers.”

“I’m sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot.”
Frank Burns

“Klinger, it’s my considered opinion that no one is going to believe you are pregnant”
Henry Blake

“Boy seeing the way you guys work with the wounded, the way you deal with burned up legs, ripped up bellies. Makes me proud every time I throw up.”

“…it’s the duty of every real American to be on the lookout for goldbricks, pinko’s and fellow travelers. ‘Course without the likes of Americans like you the jobs of Americans like me would be a lot more difficult. But don’t get me wrong, Americans like me like difficult jobs. So don’t get the idea you’re doing the CIA any favors. We don’t really need Americans like you, we don’t need anybody.”
Col. Flagg

“Sex happens to be one of the most important things in life in as much as each one of us is one or the other gender of it once we’re born, which is the direct result of the act of it.”
Henry Blake

“Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice”
Sidney Freedman

“Listen, it’s too big a world to be in competition with everyone. The only person who I have to be better than is myself. And in your case, that’s enough.”
Col. Potter

“Don’t mind Pierce and Hunnicutt, they’re both first rate surgeons. Sure, they’ll show up to role call in their bathrobes. They keep a still in their tent. Once they ran all my underwear up the flagpole. But I want you to understand it’s an honor to serve with these men.”

“Know this. You can cut me off from the civilized world. You can incarcerate me with two moronic cellmates. You can torture me with your thrice daily swill, but you cannot break the spirit of a Winchester. My voice shall be heard from this wilderness and I shall be delivered from this fetid and festering sewer.”
Charles Emerson Winchester III

“I’d sooner share my toothbrush with a Democrat”
Charles Emerson Winchester III

“There are so many things I was sure I’d have in my life by now. Every birthday reminds me of what’s still not there. This just turned out to be another day in the middle of nowhere.”

“I can take umbrage, I can take the cake, I can take the A-train. I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down”

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